Its gone!

Well, Chris had his thyroidectomy this morning to remove the cancer. The procedure typically takes around 3-6 hours with the patient staying for observations overnight. Chris’s surgery lasted an hour and a half, and he was home six hours later! The incision is drastically smaller than anticipated and other than a sore throat he is feeling alright. The amount of inbound prayers we have been receiving from strangers (y’all), friends, some family, and our church, has been so uplifting and God was definitely listening! Chris and I both feel as if a boulder of stress and sadness has been lifted off of our shoulders.

Now we face recovery and the quest to find the right medication balance. Chris’s medical journey has been such a roller coaster that has led him to multiple diagnoses such as: Fibromyalgia, Low T, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Hypoglycemia, and so on. It has also shown us the sad truth about the medical field, and that is that profit overshadows patient needs a large portion of the time. In the end Chris was the one to find the nodule and it was almost too late. Lessons learned I suppose! We still have faith in the ability to cure it naturally, but we just did not have the time or financial resources to achieve that.

….Geez! Speaking of finances……I’ll discuss that another time      T_T (That is me crying the letter T tears. Yea, it’s that serious!)

I’ll update when possible, but until then…

Thank you to those who sent prayers, You helped!



Tomorrow is the big day

It feels surreal and almost like a last minute rescue is going to happen, but deep down I know the reality of it. Chris’s thyroid and the cancer that is attacking it will be removed tomorrow, and life is going to dramatically change. For better, for worse.. who knows, but I am hoping. His family is ridiculous! They have been harassing him about who will have power of attorney because we are not married and he needs SOMEONE to be there for him…. Also, they are giving him a lot of BS because I made a Gofund. Oh well.

I will give an update ASAP, but until then, we pray.



Update on the fight against the “C” word

Well, Chris has surgery scheduled for the 21st to have his cancer stricken thyroid removed. Life seems bleak and moral/spirit is low. I have failed him.. We went to Colorado to find an alternative treatment… no success I didn’t do enough research. Time, health, and money was wasted. I’ve started a fund for medical expenses and I’m hoping it helps, but please.. Keep the prayers coming strong!

I feel it creeping in


We want to attack the cancer naturally with a cure that is illegal in 47 states. Wow, how unfair is that?

Since Texas is one of those 47 states things are looking grim as far as finding what we need, Cannabis oil. I feel a constant grip on my heart, and my chest feels like its about to explode. I try to be positive I really do, but I’ve already lost so many people and I cannot help but fear losing Chris. I am trying to keep my faith high and I know God is with us, but I cannot kill this fear. We have to find cannabis oil or some way of getting it. I personally believe that everything in nature is by intelligent design and by God.

February Hates Me

Today is our six-year anniversary, and we should be feeling festive and celebrating, but the weather matches our morale. Its gloomy, dreary, and cold. Friday we found out Chris has thyroid cancer and this is most likely what has caused his chronic fatigue over the last couple years. Cancer..

Chris is the healthiest person I’ve ever met, giving and selfless, but cancer doesn’t discriminate or take into account that people need him. I have an overwhelming heaviness in my heart I am trying to be positive and strong, but I’ve lost so many that its hard to see the light. We went to church this morning and I left with hope that our plan of attack (naturally curing it) is going to be successful. Our Pastor, Darren Whitehead, had the church leaders pray over us, and it reinforced my hope. Six years isn’t enough. 189906_10150148391301264_3951382_n

Another day another dol….uhh… headache!

Classes started up today and I was of course thirty minutes late because UTA is known for the TERRIBLE parking and of course I paired that with traffic (I like adventure). On top of that I am starting back with substituting and Gavriel is starting up with the terrible three stuffffff.  It was a nice day out though and I was feeling fine until sharp pains stabbed me in the forehead. Not sure if I have mentioned it yet, but I get daily sometimes week-long head aches.

Also, Chris had to come home early today because he was feeling bad. I am almost 100% sure its fibromyalgia which is a pain. Literally. =(

Returned… again

It’s been a while since I have been able to access this random blog of mine, and life is still going about the same. Whether that is a good or bad thing…you decide. Within the last two and a half months I’ve lost two people that I’ve known over twenty years, my step mother and my best friends father. I seem to attract death. that along with the gloominess of winter has brought me to an all time low as of late. I am trying to break through it and I have Gavriel and Chris to help me see the light, but its not always enough to drown out the sorrow. Especially when there are problems between me and Chris. At that point life seems almost hopeless.

I am going to try my best to use this as a medium to keep me sane and hopefully lift my spirits.

Im back….

Ahh… I have been so stressed out.

So, update anyone? Alright.. I had to find a lawyer, and I did.. what does that mean? $$$$ MONEY.. attorneys cost lots of it and I do NOT have much, but I am doing what I can and he is letting me pay it out  (accepting donations) -_-*

I am worried to the point of feeling sick over Lilly it has been about two months since Ive been allowed to see her, but I get her this Sunday so I’m happy about that! I wish I knew how this will play out.  My lawyer is confident that I will walk away with full custody of my cousin, and I have been praying which makes me feel alot better, but that evil worry is still there eating away at my hope.

My family has done absolutely NOTHING to help out with the cost of this even Lilly’s own mother and sister are too busy saving for their vacation to Galveston to pitch-in… So disappointing, but typical! Chris, my love, gave everything he had LITERALLY to afford me the attorney… I am blessed to have him.

Aside from the court stuff I have received my Associate degree but I don’t feel the way I thought I would. I thought I would feel accomplished seeing how I am the first in my fam to do this, but nothing…I feel nothing. Kind of sucks, huh?

(the way it should be, but isn’t)

Odd past couple of days..

So I guess a little back info would be needed to explain the weirdness of a recent dream…

Three years ago I had a miscarriage, and 3 months later I lost my mom (really my grandmother, but she raised me from day one.. okay day two but still) this is something I still haven’t come to terms with. Also, fourteen months later my best friend and her brother die in a plane crash in VA. 

I have so far dealt with all this by ignoring and avoiding it, but every once in a while something brings it back to the surface.


Yesterday morning while in and out of sleep I had such a realistic dream that I woke up thinking that Teresa, my friend, was still alive. I should have been freaked out but I wasn’t I was just confused. even after I knew she was in fact not still alive it kept feeling as if she somehow was. In the dream she had been in the accident, but she had survived and moved back to Texas. We were talking about why I haven’t been to visit her.. 

A few months ago I had a similar dream, kind of. This one was about my mom and its strange how I can still recall it perfectly… She was sitting on the side of her bed telling me that my grandfather should have went to the doctor, but that now it was too late (he is still alive). It felt so real, and that dream left me a little concerned. After that dream I convinced my grandfather to go to the doctor and he found out he has emphysema. I wonder if it was only a coincidence or something else. But with this newer dream i wonder if it is an inner me trying to tell me its time to deal with the buried issues…


Aside from the dreamland things… Lillian’s father contacted me yesterday, and it is as if nothing had happened.. I think he is still on drugs, or he was just drunk. Either way I contacted my old lawyer so we shall see what comes of it all!